-50 FUN THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART-

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.

2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten-minute intervals throughout the day.

4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in.

5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the air spray fresheners.

6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially on thin, narrow aisles.

10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.

11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes up to "10."

12. Play with the automatic doors.

13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi!  I haven't seen you in so long...!" etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.

14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this crap any way?"

15. Repeat number 14 in the jewelry department.

16. Ride a display bicycle through the store, claim your taking it for a "test drive."

17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away.  Continue to do this until they leave the department.

18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.

19. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow!  Magic!"

20. Put M&Ms on Lay Away.

21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

22. Set up a tent in the Camping Department, tell other you'll only invite them if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch from other aisles."

24. Ask other customers if they have any Gray Poupon.

25. Drape a blanket around your shoulder and run around saying, "...I'm Batman.  Come, Robin-to the Bat Cave!"

26. TP as much of the store as possible.

27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

28. Play with calculators so they all spell "hello" upside down.

29. When someone asks you if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

30. When two or three people are walking in front of you, run between them yelling, "Red Rover!"

31. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there any in stock; i.e. "Do you have any Shnerples here?"

32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting a full-scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.

33. Take bets on the battle described above.

34. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.

35. While handling guns in the Hunting Department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.  Act as spastic as possible.

36. Hold in-door shopping cart races.

37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."

38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

39. Attempt to fit others into very large gyn bags.

40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"

41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

42. Two words: "Marco Polo."

43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillow in the Pet Food aisle, etc.

44. "Re-Alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.

45. In the Auto Department, practice you "Madonna" look with various funnels.

46. When someone steps away from his or her cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.

47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

48. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"

49. Pay off lay-aways fifty cents at a time.

50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax.  If the store has a food court, by a soft drink and explain to them that you don't get out much, and ask them if they can put a little umbrella in it.